Eddie takes her hand and there's something comforting in that. Has anyone ever taken her hand in a gentle way like this? Momma's taken her hand countless times, but usually roughly before dragging her away from a person or situation, or toward the prayer closet. This is a soft hold; reassuring in a really foreign sort of way.
Glass crunches under her shoe when she takes another step forward and leans against him, letting go of his hand to put her hands on his hips to keep herself balanced. It's not a hug because she doesn't know if that would be welcome, but it's enough to make her feel...safe.
He doesn't know the answer and he isn't lying to tell her that he does, but he's trying and that's more than anyone else has ever done. It's more than Carrie's ever done. "What if they take me away?" she asks quietly. "I don't have anywhere else to go, I don't have anybody else, just Momma." She pauses and then tilts her head back to look up at him. "I like it here in Hawkins, I don't them to take me away. It's not always bad. Sometimes she's nice. Sometimes she makes my clothes so I don't have to do it myself, and sometimes she prays with me and stuff..."
Now she's just scared and making excuses is Carrie's manifestation of cowardice. Making excuses and making things happen, like the lights, she supposes.
She moves closer, pressing her weight against him and putting her hands on his hips and he can't help but give in to the urge to hug her, wrapping his arms around her but trying to be gentle. Here in the darkness it's even harder to read her expression and if he's hurting her. He's just glad that she's hearing him out and not running away from him. That she trusts him.
"If they do, they'll probably keep you close. Find you somewhere to live in Hawkins. You'll still have us as your friends and she can't hurt you." And that's the most important part, wasn't it? No wonder Carrie was so skittish and slow to trust.
He pulls back as she goes on, shaking his head. "Being nice sometimes isn't good enough. She's your mom. She's supposed to take care of you, not lock you up." He sighs deeply. "I know it's scary, but you don't have to just take it. You shouldn't have to."
It occurs to him that he's the reason for this. For Carrie being yelled at, locked up and beaten. All because he'd smiled at her in passing. It doesn't make her mom any less batshit, but it does weigh him down. "I'm really sorry she hurt you over me and the boys."
"You think so?" Carrie asks. She tries not to sound hopeful; the very idea of being separated from Momma when she's all Carrie's ever had is absolutely terrifying. She doesn't want them to take her away because she doesn't know how to exist without her mother.
Carrie opens her mouth to protest, but she can't think of anything that she could say that she thinks Eddie would respond favorably to. So, she closes it again and worries at her bottom lip with her teeth. "I don't know anything else..."
She shakes her head and reaches down to take his hands to give them a quick squeeze. "That wasn't your fault, or theirs. It's my fault; I should've told you so that none of you would say hi or anything if you saw us out. I just wasn't thinking."
"Yeah," he says, trying to sell her on it. He doesn't know how that works, but if she really doesn't have any family to send her off to then she has to stay in town, right? Maybe be put in foster care. And almost anything was better than being with her mom. Because the more Eddie thinks about it, the more everything makes sense. Carrie's incredibly sheltered upbringing and the off handed way she normalized being punished by being locked in a closet. This wasn't the first time. She didn't know any better.
He rubs her back lightly, still not sure where she was hurt or hurting and unable to see much in the darkness. "I know, but I can't let you go back there," he says, frowning. "If you're not ready to tell someone, at least come home with me until you're ready. You can take your time, you just can't go back there alone."
"No, it's not," he says fiercely. "Carrie, none of this is your fault. You're allowed to have friends. I get that we're not the kind of people that she might want you to be friends with, but that doesn't mean you should be punished by existing in the same space as us. What your mom did to you is fucked up. No one should be treated that way." He pulls back in the darkness to try to look down at her. "You're important too, you know? How people treat you matters. You matter."
Eddie sounds confident and that's enough for Carrie, at least for now. If he thinks she can stay close to Momma, then that's okay. At least then, she can go home when she misses her, or needs her.
But then he tells her he can't let her go home and she can feel her heart start racing with panic and a rush of adrenaline. It's likely only because he's rubbing her bath soothingly that she's grounded enough to keep from creating more telekinetic mayhem in her sudden fear at the idea. Moreso when he offers to let her go home with him until she's ready to tell someone about Momma's treatment.
He smells the blood on you; they can smell it when you're a woman. He'll take you to his bed and make you filthy. And you'll be weak; Eve was weak. He'll ravage you and fill you with cancer—I thought you were cancer
Momma's voice mourns loudly Carrie's loss of innocence even before she can finish processing what Eddie's saying. Her stomach rolls over and Carrie presses her lips firmly together as if staving off the upset, roiling feeling in her stomach.
"What—I have to go back..." she counters stupidly, looking up at him. "I have to go back, that's where I live. She'll be so worried if I don't come home. And all my things are home..."
What he's saying is so simple and yet Carrie can't fully process it; he's telling — not asking — her to run away. With him. For an indeterminate amount of time.
"She'll come right for you. You're the first place she'll look, she'll call the police on you," she adds, sounding more worried for him than for herself, although she supposes that's because she's used to the way Momma operates and Eddie isn't.
Even as Eddie tries to assure her that this isn't her fault, Carrie knows that it is. If she'd just told the guys about the fact that she's not allowed to spend time with boys and to keep it a secret, then this wouldn't have happened. They could've packed up their lunches and eaten lunch in here. Nobody would ever have to have seen her with a group of boys and tell on her if she'd just been honest with them. It is her fault.
And then Eddie tells her that she's important and how people treat her matters. A watery sound escapes her, then, something between a sob and a laugh and she shakes her head. "No, I'm not. I'm not important, I'm just me. And I think you might be the only person who thinks I matter.
"This is nothing, this place. Hawkins is so nice. And I know you guys all hate it and think it sucks here but nobody spray-paints nasty things about me on the lockers here. Nobody teases me here, they just ignore me and that's so much better. If it mattered how people treated me back home, then people wouldn't have been so nasty, but they were."
Eddie's long fingers tighten over hers and he squeezes her hands. "Carrie, you can't go back there," he says, as gently as he can manage, despite the rising frustration in his chest. He's not frustrated with Carrie, but with the fact that she doesn't know that this isn't normal. That no one's ever told her that their parents don't beat them or lock them up. "Not if she's going to hurt you again."
He exhales deeply at Carrie's counter point, knowing that she's probably right. Carrie not coming home would feed right into her mom's worst nightmare. Worse, it'll be Eddie's word against hers. If it was any of the other guys maybe they'd stand a chance, but Eddie lives in the trailer park and has a history of causing trouble. All he'll end up doing is getting himself in deep shit and probably giving Carrie's mom and excuse to mistreat her even more. "I'll figure something out. Somewhere you can go until you're ready. Somewhere safe."
Eddie's chest tightens painfully at her words. "I'm not the only one," he assures her. "You have people who care about you. People who want to protect you like I do. I know Hellfire will help me." He presses his fingers into her hands. "That's not good enough, Carrie. I don't know what happened where you came from, but they sound like a bunch of assholes. If they knew what was happening, they should've stopped it. They should've done something."
"I'm not saying you're never going to be treated like trash here, you're a freak just like the rest of us. But that's okay, because we've got each other's backs. We look out for one another. This is me looking out for you."
"She doesn't always, just when she's really mad," Carrie rebuffs, sounding a little desperate. It isn't that she can't appreciate what Eddie's trying to say or why he's so insistent, but he doesn't understand. When she says she doesn't know anything else, she means literally. Until she met him, she was completely isolated. Tommy had invited her to prom, sure, but as soon as Momma found out, off they went halfway across the country to Hawkins, Indiana, and the last thing she wants is for Momma to make them start over again. Beyond that, though, the thing that scares her the most is that he seems to think she can just uproot her entire life in an instant because Momma's mean sometimes. She hasn't ever had friends, she's never had a father, she's never had anyone other than Momma. Where would she even begin?
"If who knew what was happening?" she asks, her voice tight with a sob hovering in the back of her throat as she tries to pivot the subject away from the head-spinning idea of leaving home, even if to escape more beatings. "Momma, who warned me that they were all going to laugh at me and I shouldn't talk to them? She was right. Who else? Ms. Desjardin, who went to the principal to try to get the girls punished for throwing tampons and pads at me when I didn't know what my first period was and I thought I was dying? The principal, who called Momma to pick me up and told her what happened even though I begged him not to? 'Cause I know she's crazy and she thinks the only way you get your period is when you're deflowered, so I knew I'd get locked in the closet?
"Literally anybody at school who could read 'Carrie White Eats Shit' spray painted across an entire wall of lockers at least once every couple of weeks, or maybe the janitors who had to keep repainting the lockers over and over and over to cover it up every time? Nobody cared, Eddie. I don't matter like you think I do," she asks, her voice tightening and going shriller with every word as she fights and finally loses the battle against crying in front of him. All of it just comes pouring out of her — words, tears; the whole thing — before she can stop it, like his insistence that somebody should've stepped in before him breaks the dam holding back seventeen years worth of misery.
Sniffling, Carrie's face scrunched up and she shakes her head, pulling away from him and turning her back to try to give herself some semblance of privacy while she tries to compose herself again. "Nobody cared. Everybody hated me, Eddie; everybody. I've never had a friend until you guys. I don't know anything except my Momma, don't you get it? She hurts me sometimes, but not like the kids at school used to. I can heal from a Bible thwap on the back of the head. I've done it a million times and I could do it a million more. It doesn't bother me like it's bothering you because that's just always been my life. I don't even know if I believe you when you say that it isn't normal...I don't have a frame of reference."
"She shouldn't lay a finger on you, ever," Eddie says, shaking his head. He doesn't understand how Carrie can stand up for her when she's hurt her like this. And as she goes on, his eyes narrow, a look of disgust crossing his face. "Carrie, what the fuck?"
He's quick to make sure she knows he's not upset with her though, reaching for her shoulders and smoothing them down lightly. "Your mom is fucking crazy. She shouldn't be looking after anyone, let alone locking you up in closets and shit." He usually tries to reign the cussing in around a little around Carrie, but today he feels like he has no words to express the shit she's telling him without them.
Eddie pulls her into him, wrapping his arms around her when she starts crying, his stomach twisting up in knots over this girl who nobody gave a shit over until she got here. It was fucked up and wrong and he's going to prove that someone gives a shit if it's the last thing he does. "I care, Carrie."
She pulls away from him and he lets her go because the last thing he wants to do is force her to do something against her will, especially now. Eddie lets out a large, frustrated sigh, moving after her. "It's not fucking normal, Carrie. What you're talking about is child abuse, okay? Your mother abuses you. And all those people are total fucking assholes! Someone should've stopped her before now. Someone should've said something, or done something, or given a shit. Because you are someone who matters. You're my friend and I care about you and I'm not going to keep letting someone hurt you, even it doesn't bother you!" He knows he's having a fit right now, but he can't help it. How can she not know this isn't okay?
He takes a deep breath. "Listen, I'm not trying to force you to do something you don't want to do, but you've got to do something about this, because it's wrong. It's so fucking wrong. Your mom belongs behind bars."
It's too much, she thinks. His insistence that somebody should've stepped in; that he cares about her. It's too much because she's not used to it and she doesn't know how to absorb it, let alone process it enough to believe it. But still, some part of her does know that he cares. He wouldn't be here if he didn't.
She remembers the first time he talked to her at lunch; the way he'd taken her under his wing and introduced her to the rest of the guys. She remembers how it felt to belong somewhere; to someone. In a way, she supposes Momma's right, that the Hellfire boys have ruined her, just not in the way Momma thinks. She's never been to bed with any of them, but they've all given her something she's never had before that gives her something she'd been missing more than she ever realized: they've given her a home. They give her a place filled with love and acceptance. Nobody has to tell her that they love her for her to feel appreciated when she's with the group.
Lucas doesn't have to tell her that he's grateful for her help with his English homework because she can see it when he shows her a triumphant B+ on a test she helped him study for.
Gareth doesn't have to tell her that he loves having her around to give gentle feedback when he's putting together a new character he's not sure about. She can tell by the way he always beams up at her when she validates his choices or smiles gratefully when she gives him better suggestions.
Dustin and Mike don't have to tell her that they like having her perspective when they get into arguments with their long-distance girlfriends. Carrie knows it by the way they're practically vibrating with excitement to thank her when the suggestions she gives them sometimes please the ladies out West they're respectively sort of dating.
None of them have to ever say they want her around because she's always been able to feel it. She feels warm and welcome and happy when she spends time with Hellfire.
Is she really ready or able to give that up just because she's afraid of Momma? Moreover, is she willing to ignore the small swell of confidence they give her just by accepting her...for what? For Momma to keep her under her thumb again?
Slowly, she turns back toward him. "What if they don't believe me...?" she asks. Carrie tells herself that she'll do whatever Eddie says from here on out if he can give her a satisfactory answer to that question. What if she tells like he's saying she needs to, but nobody believes her because Momma is so active in the church? Then what?
"Why would you make that shit up?" Eddie asks, his brow furrowing. He's glad it looks like she's at least considering it, but he can't imagine anyone not believing her. Especially if they've ever seen her mom, let alone the shadow of a bruise he'd seen under her collar before the lights started going haywire. That and Carrie is so avoidant of any kind of attention that it sometimes feels like it's painful for her to look him in the eye, even if she's gotten better about it.
"Carrie," he says softly, moving even closer to her. "I know it's scary. You've got to feel like no matter what you do, you get screwed, but I'm not going to let that happen, okay? My reputation might be bad, but we've got the other Hellfire Club members. Not all of the teachers are assholes here, some of them actually care, especially about girls like you. Smart girls who haven't done anything wrong." He reaches for her hand. "Please, let us help you."
Carrie shakes her head. "I wouldn't, but you don't understand. Momma's a part of the church..." She says that like it explains everything. To her, it does. The other church moms have a lot of clout in the community. They'll never believe Carrie — who got caught hanging out with Hellfire Club — over her mother.
Her brow creases a little, and Carrie can feel her shoulders coming protectively upward, the way they always do when she's about to shrink into herself. Every part of her wants to trust that he's right, while simultaneously telling her this is a trick. Maybe not that he's trying to hurt her on purpose, but he will. He won't be able to help her, not really, she doesn't think. If she lets herself have hope that he can and he doesn't, it'll be that much more crushing.
Smart girls who haven't done anything wrong.
Hasn't she, though? If she hasn't done anything wrong, why is her life so completely miserable on the whole? God wouldn't punish an innocent person like that, would He? Not someone who didn't deserve it...
Eddie reaches for her hand and Carrie lets him take it, her eyes shifting down to see how small her hand looks in his; how small all of this is making her feel in a way that totters on the edge between pathetic and comforting. None of it makes sense.
After a moment, her eyes shift back up to meet his. "...you swear you won't let anything bad happen...?" she hedges gently.
"I swear," Eddie says quickly, his fingers tightening over hers. He knows it's not a promise he should make lightly, or one that he can keep, but he can pray to whatever non-existent God there is that the world will do right by someone like Carrie.
He swallows, licking his lips and pulling her in for a very light hug. "Do you trust me?" He asks into her hair. Even that question is probably asking for too much faith, but he knows that there are some people in the world who aren't there to try to fuck you over. Wayne will help him do the right thing. And even if he and Jim Hopper haven't always seen eye to eye, Eddie knows that he cares.
"You're one of my little sheep," he says, pulling back to grin at her. "It's my job to look out for you, remember?" His expression shifts into something more serious. "No one bullies my sheep, not even their mothers."
As much as she knows logically that it's not a promise he can guarantee he'll be able to keep, just hearing that he intends to try, at least, is enough to calm her a little bit more.
Feeling his breath softly through her hair against her scalp has Carrie all but clinging to him, her eyes closing as she nods against his chest. "You know I do," she says quietly back, even though she's not entirely sure she's ever actually told him in just so many words. Eddie is the only person she truly trusts. She mostly trusts the rest of the guys in Hellfire, but Eddie is the only one she'd trust like this.
Her stomach flutters in a way she knows it isn't supposed to with someone who's Just A Friend, and she's loathe to let go of him when she feels him letting go to step back. She lets him and when she looks up at him to see him grinning, Carrie can only barely manage to give him a small smile back. Her chin wobbles a little and she does genuinely mean to return his smile but it comes out more like a grimace between the prickling in her eyes, the lump in her throat, and the fear etched into her very soul at the idea of what she's agreeing to try to do. Words won't come so, swallowing against the lump, Carrie swipes quickly at her eyes before the tears building can spill over, and she nods her understanding and agreement. After a moment, she's finally able to get something out. "What do I need to do?"
She looks so scared and small. Eddie wants to usher her into his van and take her as far away from Hawkins as he can. He and Jeff had worked out that the Atlantic was a thirty hour drive one day when they'd been bored in study hall. They could drive until the road ran out and then figure out what to do. But he also knows how that would go over. Even if he's never touched Carrie, everyone would assume that he was trying to get into her pants. She's not eighteen yet, so it's not like they wouldn't be able to drag her back, either.
"All you have to do is tell the truth," he says, regarding her with sad, brown eyes. "I'd say that I'd do all the talking, but people assume I'm full of shit, so I think it's better if you do it yourself." He sighs, rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. "But I'll be right there beside you the whole time, okay?"
They need to talk to someone who isn't going to immediately assume the worst. Someone who actually gives a shit about the kids in town who have to deal with abusive parents. He's seen the way the guidance counselor talks to kids, he thinks she'd believe her. Or maybe they could go next door to the middle school and talk to Mr. Clark. He was one of the only teachers who hadn't seemed to hate Eddie the moment he'd stepped into his class. Either way, the cops were going to get called in at one point or another. They could go directly there, but the thought of Carrie sitting in an interrogation room sets him on edge.
Her stomach tumbles with the way he looks into her eyes and rubs the top of her hand with his thumb. She isn't accustomed to physical contact. She's not used to it in general, never mind from a boy, especially not one that she trusts as much as she trusts Eddie; their fearless leader. Carrie hasn't ever felt like she deserved to be rescued and here he is trying to do exactly that. It's a strange feeling.
It's comforting to know that he doesn't expect her to do everything by herself, but she knows just as well as he does what people will think. So she smiles a little with gratefulness tinted with the sadness of knowing that she's not likely to be believed when he's beside her. She probably isn't likely to be believed either way, really.
"Thank you," she says softly, shifting her eyes to avert her gaze before he realizes she's just staring at this point. Her lips purse briefly before she worries at the bottom one with her teeth.
Shaking her head she peeks briefly back up at him from beneath her eyelashes and shrugs. "Nobody's going to care, Eddie. I don't know..."
"Yes they will," he says, trying to keep his voice level. Because anyone who really knows Carrie knows how seriously she takes lying. How seriously she takes everything. And if the world won't believe someone who has spent her whole life trying to do the right then, then Eddie might just give into the urge he often has to burn it all down.
"Ms. Kelly will," he says, raising his eyebrows. "She likes you, I can tell." He's seen her watching her, trying to get her to engage in counseling services, trying to get her involved in school activities, even if Eddie kind of resents that Hellfire doesn't seem to count as an acceptable one. "Or maybe you can talk to any of the guys' moms?"
Claudia Henderson seems like the type of person who would not only fuss over Carrie the way she deserves to be fussed over, but would also protect her if she needed it. Jeff's mom probably wouldn't hesitate at getting involved either. He always liked both of them, if only because they didn't side eye him like the rest of the town did.
Another frown crosses Carrie's expression and her brow knits slightly in the middle. She supposes she could tell Ms. Kelly, but there's no way Ms. Kelly would let Eddie in the office with her. She doesn't even let the office aide in when she has a student in there. Carrie ought to know; she's been dragged in there enough times by now.
But when Eddie mentions the other guys' moms, Carrie looks sharply up, shaking her head. "No," she says. No, telling one of the moms is likely to make it worse. For all Carrie knows, it would end up being no better than telling Chrissy or Jason's moms, even if she's sure Mrs. Henderson and Mrs. Sinclair at least, maybe even Jeff or Mike's moms, would have much better intentions in getting involved. Carrie knows a lot of the moms in town go to church; she sees them every Sunday. Just because they don't show up for Saturday night mass and Sunday morning every single week like her mom does, doesn't mean they don't know each other.
She pauses and presses her lips together. "Not the moms," she adds softly. "Do you think your uncle could help...maybe? Or...?" her voice trails off. Or will that be the same as you helping and nobody will listen?
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Glass crunches under her shoe when she takes another step forward and leans against him, letting go of his hand to put her hands on his hips to keep herself balanced. It's not a hug because she doesn't know if that would be welcome, but it's enough to make her feel...safe.
He doesn't know the answer and he isn't lying to tell her that he does, but he's trying and that's more than anyone else has ever done. It's more than Carrie's ever done. "What if they take me away?" she asks quietly. "I don't have anywhere else to go, I don't have anybody else, just Momma." She pauses and then tilts her head back to look up at him. "I like it here in Hawkins, I don't them to take me away. It's not always bad. Sometimes she's nice. Sometimes she makes my clothes so I don't have to do it myself, and sometimes she prays with me and stuff..."
Now she's just scared and making excuses is Carrie's manifestation of cowardice. Making excuses and making things happen, like the lights, she supposes.
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"If they do, they'll probably keep you close. Find you somewhere to live in Hawkins. You'll still have us as your friends and she can't hurt you." And that's the most important part, wasn't it? No wonder Carrie was so skittish and slow to trust.
He pulls back as she goes on, shaking his head. "Being nice sometimes isn't good enough. She's your mom. She's supposed to take care of you, not lock you up." He sighs deeply. "I know it's scary, but you don't have to just take it. You shouldn't have to."
It occurs to him that he's the reason for this. For Carrie being yelled at, locked up and beaten. All because he'd smiled at her in passing. It doesn't make her mom any less batshit, but it does weigh him down. "I'm really sorry she hurt you over me and the boys."
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Carrie opens her mouth to protest, but she can't think of anything that she could say that she thinks Eddie would respond favorably to. So, she closes it again and worries at her bottom lip with her teeth. "I don't know anything else..."
She shakes her head and reaches down to take his hands to give them a quick squeeze. "That wasn't your fault, or theirs. It's my fault; I should've told you so that none of you would say hi or anything if you saw us out. I just wasn't thinking."
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He rubs her back lightly, still not sure where she was hurt or hurting and unable to see much in the darkness. "I know, but I can't let you go back there," he says, frowning. "If you're not ready to tell someone, at least come home with me until you're ready. You can take your time, you just can't go back there alone."
"No, it's not," he says fiercely. "Carrie, none of this is your fault. You're allowed to have friends. I get that we're not the kind of people that she might want you to be friends with, but that doesn't mean you should be punished by existing in the same space as us. What your mom did to you is fucked up. No one should be treated that way." He pulls back in the darkness to try to look down at her. "You're important too, you know? How people treat you matters. You matter."
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But then he tells her he can't let her go home and she can feel her heart start racing with panic and a rush of adrenaline. It's likely only because he's rubbing her bath soothingly that she's grounded enough to keep from creating more telekinetic mayhem in her sudden fear at the idea. Moreso when he offers to let her go home with him until she's ready to tell someone about Momma's treatment.
He smells the blood on you; they can smell it when you're a woman. He'll take you to his bed and make you filthy. And you'll be weak; Eve was weak. He'll ravage you and fill you with cancer—I thought you were cancer
Momma's voice mourns loudly Carrie's loss of innocence even before she can finish processing what Eddie's saying. Her stomach rolls over and Carrie presses her lips firmly together as if staving off the upset, roiling feeling in her stomach.
"What—I have to go back..." she counters stupidly, looking up at him. "I have to go back, that's where I live. She'll be so worried if I don't come home. And all my things are home..."
What he's saying is so simple and yet Carrie can't fully process it; he's telling — not asking — her to run away. With him. For an indeterminate amount of time.
"She'll come right for you. You're the first place she'll look, she'll call the police on you," she adds, sounding more worried for him than for herself, although she supposes that's because she's used to the way Momma operates and Eddie isn't.
Even as Eddie tries to assure her that this isn't her fault, Carrie knows that it is. If she'd just told the guys about the fact that she's not allowed to spend time with boys and to keep it a secret, then this wouldn't have happened. They could've packed up their lunches and eaten lunch in here. Nobody would ever have to have seen her with a group of boys and tell on her if she'd just been honest with them. It is her fault.
And then Eddie tells her that she's important and how people treat her matters. A watery sound escapes her, then, something between a sob and a laugh and she shakes her head. "No, I'm not. I'm not important, I'm just me. And I think you might be the only person who thinks I matter.
"This is nothing, this place. Hawkins is so nice. And I know you guys all hate it and think it sucks here but nobody spray-paints nasty things about me on the lockers here. Nobody teases me here, they just ignore me and that's so much better. If it mattered how people treated me back home, then people wouldn't have been so nasty, but they were."
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He exhales deeply at Carrie's counter point, knowing that she's probably right. Carrie not coming home would feed right into her mom's worst nightmare. Worse, it'll be Eddie's word against hers. If it was any of the other guys maybe they'd stand a chance, but Eddie lives in the trailer park and has a history of causing trouble. All he'll end up doing is getting himself in deep shit and probably giving Carrie's mom and excuse to mistreat her even more. "I'll figure something out. Somewhere you can go until you're ready. Somewhere safe."
Eddie's chest tightens painfully at her words. "I'm not the only one," he assures her. "You have people who care about you. People who want to protect you like I do. I know Hellfire will help me." He presses his fingers into her hands. "That's not good enough, Carrie. I don't know what happened where you came from, but they sound like a bunch of assholes. If they knew what was happening, they should've stopped it. They should've done something."
"I'm not saying you're never going to be treated like trash here, you're a freak just like the rest of us. But that's okay, because we've got each other's backs. We look out for one another. This is me looking out for you."
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"If who knew what was happening?" she asks, her voice tight with a sob hovering in the back of her throat as she tries to pivot the subject away from the head-spinning idea of leaving home, even if to escape more beatings. "Momma, who warned me that they were all going to laugh at me and I shouldn't talk to them? She was right. Who else? Ms. Desjardin, who went to the principal to try to get the girls punished for throwing tampons and pads at me when I didn't know what my first period was and I thought I was dying? The principal, who called Momma to pick me up and told her what happened even though I begged him not to? 'Cause I know she's crazy and she thinks the only way you get your period is when you're deflowered, so I knew I'd get locked in the closet?
"Literally anybody at school who could read 'Carrie White Eats Shit' spray painted across an entire wall of lockers at least once every couple of weeks, or maybe the janitors who had to keep repainting the lockers over and over and over to cover it up every time? Nobody cared, Eddie. I don't matter like you think I do," she asks, her voice tightening and going shriller with every word as she fights and finally loses the battle against crying in front of him. All of it just comes pouring out of her — words, tears; the whole thing — before she can stop it, like his insistence that somebody should've stepped in before him breaks the dam holding back seventeen years worth of misery.
Sniffling, Carrie's face scrunched up and she shakes her head, pulling away from him and turning her back to try to give herself some semblance of privacy while she tries to compose herself again. "Nobody cared. Everybody hated me, Eddie; everybody. I've never had a friend until you guys. I don't know anything except my Momma, don't you get it? She hurts me sometimes, but not like the kids at school used to. I can heal from a Bible thwap on the back of the head. I've done it a million times and I could do it a million more. It doesn't bother me like it's bothering you because that's just always been my life. I don't even know if I believe you when you say that it isn't normal...I don't have a frame of reference."
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He's quick to make sure she knows he's not upset with her though, reaching for her shoulders and smoothing them down lightly. "Your mom is fucking crazy. She shouldn't be looking after anyone, let alone locking you up in closets and shit." He usually tries to reign the cussing in around a little around Carrie, but today he feels like he has no words to express the shit she's telling him without them.
Eddie pulls her into him, wrapping his arms around her when she starts crying, his stomach twisting up in knots over this girl who nobody gave a shit over until she got here. It was fucked up and wrong and he's going to prove that someone gives a shit if it's the last thing he does. "I care, Carrie."
She pulls away from him and he lets her go because the last thing he wants to do is force her to do something against her will, especially now. Eddie lets out a large, frustrated sigh, moving after her. "It's not fucking normal, Carrie. What you're talking about is child abuse, okay? Your mother abuses you. And all those people are total fucking assholes! Someone should've stopped her before now. Someone should've said something, or done something, or given a shit. Because you are someone who matters. You're my friend and I care about you and I'm not going to keep letting someone hurt you, even it doesn't bother you!" He knows he's having a fit right now, but he can't help it. How can she not know this isn't okay?
He takes a deep breath. "Listen, I'm not trying to force you to do something you don't want to do, but you've got to do something about this, because it's wrong. It's so fucking wrong. Your mom belongs behind bars."
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She remembers the first time he talked to her at lunch; the way he'd taken her under his wing and introduced her to the rest of the guys. She remembers how it felt to belong somewhere; to someone. In a way, she supposes Momma's right, that the Hellfire boys have ruined her, just not in the way Momma thinks. She's never been to bed with any of them, but they've all given her something she's never had before that gives her something she'd been missing more than she ever realized: they've given her a home. They give her a place filled with love and acceptance. Nobody has to tell her that they love her for her to feel appreciated when she's with the group.
Lucas doesn't have to tell her that he's grateful for her help with his English homework because she can see it when he shows her a triumphant B+ on a test she helped him study for.
Gareth doesn't have to tell her that he loves having her around to give gentle feedback when he's putting together a new character he's not sure about. She can tell by the way he always beams up at her when she validates his choices or smiles gratefully when she gives him better suggestions.
Dustin and Mike don't have to tell her that they like having her perspective when they get into arguments with their long-distance girlfriends. Carrie knows it by the way they're practically vibrating with excitement to thank her when the suggestions she gives them sometimes please the ladies out West they're respectively sort of dating.
None of them have to ever say they want her around because she's always been able to feel it. She feels warm and welcome and happy when she spends time with Hellfire.
Is she really ready or able to give that up just because she's afraid of Momma? Moreover, is she willing to ignore the small swell of confidence they give her just by accepting her...for what? For Momma to keep her under her thumb again?
Slowly, she turns back toward him. "What if they don't believe me...?" she asks. Carrie tells herself that she'll do whatever Eddie says from here on out if he can give her a satisfactory answer to that question. What if she tells like he's saying she needs to, but nobody believes her because Momma is so active in the church? Then what?
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"Carrie," he says softly, moving even closer to her. "I know it's scary. You've got to feel like no matter what you do, you get screwed, but I'm not going to let that happen, okay? My reputation might be bad, but we've got the other Hellfire Club members. Not all of the teachers are assholes here, some of them actually care, especially about girls like you. Smart girls who haven't done anything wrong." He reaches for her hand. "Please, let us help you."
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Her brow creases a little, and Carrie can feel her shoulders coming protectively upward, the way they always do when she's about to shrink into herself. Every part of her wants to trust that he's right, while simultaneously telling her this is a trick. Maybe not that he's trying to hurt her on purpose, but he will. He won't be able to help her, not really, she doesn't think. If she lets herself have hope that he can and he doesn't, it'll be that much more crushing.
Smart girls who haven't done anything wrong.
Hasn't she, though? If she hasn't done anything wrong, why is her life so completely miserable on the whole? God wouldn't punish an innocent person like that, would He? Not someone who didn't deserve it...
Eddie reaches for her hand and Carrie lets him take it, her eyes shifting down to see how small her hand looks in his; how small all of this is making her feel in a way that totters on the edge between pathetic and comforting. None of it makes sense.
After a moment, her eyes shift back up to meet his. "...you swear you won't let anything bad happen...?" she hedges gently.
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He swallows, licking his lips and pulling her in for a very light hug. "Do you trust me?" He asks into her hair. Even that question is probably asking for too much faith, but he knows that there are some people in the world who aren't there to try to fuck you over. Wayne will help him do the right thing. And even if he and Jim Hopper haven't always seen eye to eye, Eddie knows that he cares.
"You're one of my little sheep," he says, pulling back to grin at her. "It's my job to look out for you, remember?" His expression shifts into something more serious. "No one bullies my sheep, not even their mothers."
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Feeling his breath softly through her hair against her scalp has Carrie all but clinging to him, her eyes closing as she nods against his chest. "You know I do," she says quietly back, even though she's not entirely sure she's ever actually told him in just so many words. Eddie is the only person she truly trusts. She mostly trusts the rest of the guys in Hellfire, but Eddie is the only one she'd trust like this.
Her stomach flutters in a way she knows it isn't supposed to with someone who's Just A Friend, and she's loathe to let go of him when she feels him letting go to step back. She lets him and when she looks up at him to see him grinning, Carrie can only barely manage to give him a small smile back. Her chin wobbles a little and she does genuinely mean to return his smile but it comes out more like a grimace between the prickling in her eyes, the lump in her throat, and the fear etched into her very soul at the idea of what she's agreeing to try to do. Words won't come so, swallowing against the lump, Carrie swipes quickly at her eyes before the tears building can spill over, and she nods her understanding and agreement. After a moment, she's finally able to get something out. "What do I need to do?"
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"All you have to do is tell the truth," he says, regarding her with sad, brown eyes. "I'd say that I'd do all the talking, but people assume I'm full of shit, so I think it's better if you do it yourself." He sighs, rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. "But I'll be right there beside you the whole time, okay?"
They need to talk to someone who isn't going to immediately assume the worst. Someone who actually gives a shit about the kids in town who have to deal with abusive parents. He's seen the way the guidance counselor talks to kids, he thinks she'd believe her. Or maybe they could go next door to the middle school and talk to Mr. Clark. He was one of the only teachers who hadn't seemed to hate Eddie the moment he'd stepped into his class. Either way, the cops were going to get called in at one point or another. They could go directly there, but the thought of Carrie sitting in an interrogation room sets him on edge.
"Is there anyone you want to tell?"
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It's comforting to know that he doesn't expect her to do everything by herself, but she knows just as well as he does what people will think. So she smiles a little with gratefulness tinted with the sadness of knowing that she's not likely to be believed when he's beside her. She probably isn't likely to be believed either way, really.
"Thank you," she says softly, shifting her eyes to avert her gaze before he realizes she's just staring at this point. Her lips purse briefly before she worries at the bottom one with her teeth.
Shaking her head she peeks briefly back up at him from beneath her eyelashes and shrugs. "Nobody's going to care, Eddie. I don't know..."
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"Ms. Kelly will," he says, raising his eyebrows. "She likes you, I can tell." He's seen her watching her, trying to get her to engage in counseling services, trying to get her involved in school activities, even if Eddie kind of resents that Hellfire doesn't seem to count as an acceptable one. "Or maybe you can talk to any of the guys' moms?"
Claudia Henderson seems like the type of person who would not only fuss over Carrie the way she deserves to be fussed over, but would also protect her if she needed it. Jeff's mom probably wouldn't hesitate at getting involved either. He always liked both of them, if only because they didn't side eye him like the rest of the town did.
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But when Eddie mentions the other guys' moms, Carrie looks sharply up, shaking her head. "No," she says. No, telling one of the moms is likely to make it worse. For all Carrie knows, it would end up being no better than telling Chrissy or Jason's moms, even if she's sure Mrs. Henderson and Mrs. Sinclair at least, maybe even Jeff or Mike's moms, would have much better intentions in getting involved. Carrie knows a lot of the moms in town go to church; she sees them every Sunday. Just because they don't show up for Saturday night mass and Sunday morning every single week like her mom does, doesn't mean they don't know each other.
She pauses and presses her lips together. "Not the moms," she adds softly. "Do you think your uncle could help...maybe? Or...?" her voice trails off. Or will that be the same as you helping and nobody will listen?